It’s been just under a month since I’ve updated and I don’t feel like doing the bold thing, the italics thing, or any of that. Just pure blogging.
It’s not like I ever get anyone to read this anyways, so it’s not like it matters that I went a month without saying anything.
I think my biggest gripe over the last month has been bio-mom. She will probably ALWAYS be my biggest gripe. Because she is something that will always be there, always affecting my life.
About 3 weeks ago, the girls went to her house. She got out of the hospital for a few days they kicked her out and she wanted to see the kids. Fine, they miss her, it was her weekend. Why not? We get a call on Sunday afternoon from his aunt saying that bio-mom was over there and she was taking her to the hospital and would bring the kids home later. When the kids get home they all have fevers and don’t feel good. My honey ends up taking the oldest to ER in the middle of the night because she has a 104 fever. The other two have 101 and 100.5 fevers. Turns out that she has an upper respiratory infection and chances are that the other two do as well. Guess who catches the bug? Yup, I do. I got sick initially three weeks ago, I still have a lingering cough. Anyways, wasn’t that nice of her to admit HERSELF into the hospital while her kids were sick? She got out two weeks ago and the kids have seen her a few times since then.
School
It has been going well for #4, she loves doing homework and finishes an ENTIRE WEEK’S WORTH IN ONE NIGHT and then GETS MAD when she doesn’t have any more to do.
For #5 it’s still a struggle. Even though I sit with her for hours some nights doing her homework, she still doesn’t turn it in, or she doesn’t bring stuff home. She brought home some math tests she took, and she got 8 WHOLE pages wrong. She did the same with an English test she took on a book she read. She doesn’t take her time to read the instructions or even try and do the work.
The girls go to their mom’s on Wednesday morning and my honey has been letting them stay a few extra nights during the week to catch up with their mom. The only problem with this is that the girls aren’t turning in their homework. Even when #4 finishes the work at our house, she doesn’t turn it in if she’s with her mom. And #5 doesn’t do any homework on the nights she goes to her mom’s house. She has also picked up a habit of stealing.
On top of everything else that she does, now she steals. I was looking through her backpack yesterday to see if she had any more homework to do, I found my chapstick, some of my new makeup, $5, tictacs, toys, and markers. When I asked where she got everything, she said she got it from her mom’s house (she was there on Sunday, me and my honey checked their backpacks when they came home to make sure they brought back the right clothes and school materials and she didn’t have any of this in her backpack). And since the make up was something I bought a few days before I knew she was lying. The $4 honey had in his drawer next to the bed.
I have no idea what to do with this girl. She is the oldest, yet she is the one that gets in the most trouble and causes the most problems. When she isn’t around the other kids are amazing, but her negative influence gets the younger girls to act out. I sometimes get to the point when I want to tell my honey that I can’t take it anymore. That she is just a bad seed. But I can’t do that. Because I want to fix her. I want to turn her into a good kid and instill rules and give her a positive influence. I want to give her someone good to look up to because Lord knows looking up to her mom won’t do her any good. Her mom is addicted to pain medicine and is a typical welfare mom, who does nothing but wait for a check every month. That is no role model. I want to give this girl something that I lost when I was a little older than she is now. I want to give her a loving mom who teaches her the facts of life and helps her learn. But I feel like I just can’t do that with her.
With all of the other girls, I have been able to be a positive influence on them, I have been able to teach them things and get them to understand rules and life. The three younger kids are my babies, they come to me over my honey. When any of them have a problem it is me that they run to. Not like kids their age really have problems, but you know what I mean.
I just feel like #5 is going to be more than a handful. The last time they came home from their mom’s she was ‘jerking’ and ‘dropping it like it’s hot’ and shaking her butt. She came home wearing a SHORT jean skirt that showed her underwear every time she took a step. I asked her why she was wearing it and she said ‘Mommy said it’s cute and I like it’ who dresses their daughter like that? And when asked about the dancing, she said ‘Mommy showed me’ Are you fucking serious? I try and hold in everything I feel about bio-mom to the kids and to my honey. He has his own set of problems with her, but it’s like she is doing everything she can to corrupt the kids. So far only #5 is giving in to her ways, but I’m worried the other two will too. And then what happens when my daughter started to get influenced by their behavior?
It’s just one thing after another with bio-mom and I’m getting so tired of it. They have court next month and my honey has tried to get paperwork from the school showing that they don’t turn in their homework when they are with their mom, but the school has yet to give him anything. I do not want to have to deal with drama with bio-mom for the rest of the girl’s childhoods but it looks like that’s how it’s going to be.
I feel like I have enough drama with my ex and our custody issues and adding all the drama of #5 and their bio-mom is just the icing on the cake.
I wish that parents would notice that their acting up only affects their kids NEGATIVLY and that it can really mess a kid up. It’s bad enough when parents separate, but when one of them acts like a total asshole and tells the kids to say things to the other parent, or teaches them things they shouldn’t be doing it can mess then up for life. I hate that the kids are in this situation and I am doing my best to keep myself together for them. I do my best to make sure that my household is a stable and loving environment, but it is so hard to stay strong and be stable.
Stepmom to Girls 
It’s hard, I think if you ask any step-mom you will see that most problems stem from the bio-mom’s issues. Unfortunately, the kids are the only weapon they have against the ex, or you. It sucks for the kids to be manipulated that way, and hopefully as they grow older they will see that stealing/treating you bad/lying only hurts them. It’s hard, but whenever I get attitude from the girls I try to remember battling them won’t fix anything. I can only try to instill good things in them, whether its manners, homework habits, appropriate dress 🙂 I like to think that getting love and support from me instead of anger or punishments will fend off any evil the bio-mom tries to instill. Not that they don’t get punished if they do something wrong, but it’s punishment and then a talk about why what they did was wrong. As for homework, is there a way that you can set up a different turning in method for when they do it at your house but go to school from hers?
Well, bio-mom is BACK in the hospital, so I don’t think we will have to worry about the homework thing until she gets kicked out again. But we do have a plan (or at least something we want to try) His middle daughter has a week’s worth of homework, and normally finishes on Monday night, so we will hold onto it until Friday at our house and when honey takes them to school (he takes them even on her days because she’s ‘too weak and can’t walk’) he will personally hand deliver it to her teacher. As for the oldest, I don’t know how to fix her homework problem. She doesn’t bring her homework home most nights with us, and it’s nightly. We have a meeting with her teacher next week because of her behavior so maybe we can get something worked out then.
I am a stepmom and a step daughter so I know what it’s like from both sides. It’s seems like you a have a rough situation going and I’m sorry you have to go through that. Not only am I a step daughter but my mother was the “fun” mom. A part of me can relate to the seven year old (kinda…she sounds really bad and I wasn’t so much). I lived with my mother until I was eleven and she had a drug problem and wasn’t the best parent (when she was high I was the mom). Maybe the seven year old is lashing out on you because really she hates her mom for being who she is, but she just can’t tell her that and unfortunately you are the only one around who she feels she can take it out on. I know to you it might not make much sense…and it’s honestly not fair to you because you are clearly the better parent, but that may be the issue. Yes, I LOVED my mother to death but I can honestly say I hated her too. I loved being with her but I also hated being with her because of the things she did. Luckily for my stepmom my mother lived in a different state so she didn’t have to interact with her. Me and my stepmom did not get along for years and I’m sure it’s because she felt it had something to do with my mother, maybe she thought I resented her because she wasn’t my mother, but I resented her because she didn’t want to be mother…and I needed one!
#5 may come home and tell you I love being at my mom’s house because it’s so much fun and she lets me do whatever I want to do, but I bet any amount of money that when she’s their she is feeling some kind of resentment towards her mother… she KNOWS it’s mommy’s fault that she has to live with daddy (despite what she tells you she knows)… I promise seven year olds are so smart. It probably kills her to have to go to school and see her friends and their “normal” mothers… I’m sure she years for that. I’m also sure she is a lot more mature than seven year olds usually are… I bet all that time when she lived with her mother and did not see her father… she was responsible for her two younger siblings and that could be why they follow in her lead because when they lived with mommy #5 was really their mom.
What you have to know that is no matter what she is going to love her mother. Her mother could beat her, verbally abuse her, disappear for years and she would still love her. Trust me I don’t understand it… I loved my mother through all of her ignorance (she’s much better now) and it wasn’t because I wanted to… I felt obligated. Maybe #5 feels like nobody is going to love and protect her mother like she can…maybe that’s why she’s acting out….she doesn’t want her mother to feel betrayed. Maybe she thinks that loving you would hurt her mother… it’s possible.
I know what I’ve said doesn’t put aside the fact that you have feelings too. Your feelings are just as important as Bio moms and she doesn’t have any right to disrespect you (especially since she’s 7!)…but maybe looking at it from this perspective might help. I know you’re probably tired of talking to her and maybe you’re feeling tapped out, but I really do encourage you to keep on trying. More hugs, more kisses, more one on one time…I promise it matters (even if she pretends it doesn’t). Also, maybe dad could be sterner? When me and my brothers acted out towards my stepmom my father let it be known that was his wife and we will respect her… It didn’t matter if she was wrong she was the grown up and not us (& although that pissed me off… I understood) he didn’t have to beat us to make us get it (although he evil stare was enough! lol)
I pray everything works out for you (I really did pray…I’m not just saying that!)…as I’m sure it will. When all else fails and you feel like you can’t do it anymore…just pray and pray real hard!!!
Thank you for your kind words Toni. You hit some issues right on the head. I blogged a while back about how I do not understand how they can have so much love for their mother after everything she did to them, and how she is the ‘fun’ mom because she has no rules, no boundaries, and let’s them eat whatever they want whenever they want.